The truth is…if I want to be a leader in the pursuit of human greatness a lot has to change.

The truth is…play can be serious.

The truth is….Dave challenges me to be more every day, and when you have amazing mentors they ask for a lot! But…I am becoming someone so completely different from who I was when I first came to CoachVille that I am at times overcome with the emotions of that becoming. Right now it feels scary and really good to share what I am about to share.

The truth is…I am crying as I write this.

The truth is – Thomas wrote the proficiency – Relishing the truth – because coaches need to come from a place of truth if they want to inspire others.

The truth is…I was at a Higher ground Leadership retreat with Lance Secretan, and he asked the group, “What do you teach the moment you walk in the room?” and I cannot stop thinking about that.

Here comes the hard stuff…

The truth is…when Blake was diagnosed with Leukemia, I put everything into his journey and in the first four months I gained 20 pounds, I ate what I could when I could.

It was whatever fit into my life at the time with no regard to my health. I did not leave the hospital during his first ICU stay. Often I did not even leave the room which meant I spent many days in bed next to him researching and writing until one night at about 2am he started hallucinating, and I totally freaked out, the nurses made me leave.

My mom came and took me out into the world; it scared me to be away and I could not wait to get back to the hospital. I would come home, feed Pippin and change into  new clothing and go back.

The truth is…as the chemotherapy started to ravish his body he landed in the hospital after a 4 hour nose bleed to find he had a very low platelet count which resulted in pneumonia. He was admitted to the  ICU, and I went from barely eating to eating everything I could get my hands on, most often it was fast food. I gained another 15 pounds.

The truth is…the bone marrow transplant was hard, eight total body radiation treatments, many challenges and no immune system. We were three hours away from our support systems. But it was a walk in the park compared to the graft Versus Host reaction after the transplant. Blake was really struggling; I stopped eating, when my sister arrived I had not eaten in three days. The recovery was difficult, and  the result was a diagnosis of PTSD for me…and I gained 5 more pounds.

The truth is…they thought Blake was in relapse last summer, if that were true it would mean hospice and end of life …I gained 15 more pounds. We were fortunate to find out it was not relapse but was a second leukemia that is treatable, but presented new challenge.

The truth is…Blake is doing better, the first leukemia is in remission and the second is controlled but we both need to make better lifestyle choices to regain what we lost of ourselves

The truth is…I gained 60 pound during the leukemia process

The truth is…I ate my way through leukemia.

The truth is…I do not feel like myself; I tire easier, I can’t climb a 5500 mountain like I could, I hate having my picture taken and I do not feel as powerful as I should.

The truth is…my headshots are all before this happened because I do not want to document who I am now because it does not feel like me. Lance put a photo of the Higher Ground Retreat team on facebook, and it was very hard to see it and not remove it from my Facebook wall, it is there, and I am leaving it there to remind me of where I am now and where I want to be.

The truth is…if I want to be a leader in the pursuit of human greatness this all has to change!

The truth is…sometimes even if you are smart, inspired and capable you fall asleep at the wheel. One day you wake up and are surprised to see where you really are, the perfection is you are now AWAKE and can make a choice to change.

The truth is…I have already started. I weighed 219 pounds at my top weight, today I weight 203, and I have not taken the time to really celebrate that accomplishment!

The truth is…it is hard to do this without the support and challenge of others. When you win, you want others to cheer with you, when you falter you need others to remind you the game is still on. Higher Groud Leadership was my team, who is yours?

Inspired by training in Higher Ground Leadership with Lance Secretan. Higher Ground Leadership Coach Certification is offered two times a year at CoachVille, for more information on the next offering of this class:

To register for the next Higher Ground Leadership Coach Certification:

Play can indeed be deep, serious and life changing,

Coach Deanna