How Do YOU Create an Environment
Where the Truth Can Be Told?
Crazy Coaching Friday Episode #010 Highlight!
Dave: That’s freaking awesome!
Deanna: I’ve been trying to do that on my Facebook page, as it comes to Grief and Loss. And, it has been incredibly freeing and really scary and makes me feel really good and freaks me out all in one experience.
Dave: I think that’s awesome. And just to share a thought as we go into this epic tribal gathering, Deanna is going to be one of the engage super heroes. Rightfully so because she is an engaging superhero and her superpower is Courage.
So your point about creating an environment where the truth can be told is that you took the leap and just declared the world safe for the truth.
Deanna: I’m not sure that I declared the world safe. I just decided that regardless of the world’s feedback, I was going to do it anyway. And, the process of sharing what grief has been for me has been really healing, even when people told me I was doing it wrong.
I’ve had feedback from both sides. I’ve had a lot of people really engage with me and get close to me. But, I’ve also received private messages of people sharing, “this is so wrong, what are you doing? You shouldn’t be talking about grief this way. You’re making it too light”
That’s how I know, this is the right thing to do. That is provocative conversation. Because provocative conversation means that there is sometimes disparity.
Dave: Well said. I think that’s an exceptional point. When I think about my journey of the last ten years with CoachVille, I’ve received a lot of emails from folks that are really thrilled about what we’re doing and I’ve received a lot of emails that I would put into the hate mail category about how I’m screwing the whole thing up and I’ve ruined CoachVille and “What would Thomas think about these terrible things I’ve done?”
When you’re playing big or taking action on your truth there will be folks who don’t like it and they will probably let you know.
Deanna: When you’re sharing your truth, I’ve found it can be odd how you feel about it. Because there were times when I was afraid to share that things were going really well for me because I thought people wow, will people judge me because I just lost Blake and I had a really good day and I want to share it?
I thought, “Wow. Grief shouldn’t be like that. Grief shouldn’t mean I have to be sad. Grief should mean sometimes your sad, sometimes your happy, sometimes your miserable, sometimes your ecstatic and life is still life.” And, that aspect of the truth is very strange.
Truth is an interesting animal.
Dave: For me, after Thomas passed and a lot of crazy things happened, I ended up with a really bad case of post-traumatic stress disorder. At the time, I then had an amazing year of EMDR Therapy and it was life changing.
What I have learned is that once you have PTSD you always have PTSD. And, I’ve had a bit of a relapse in the past couple of weeks and it’s been brutal. It’s just been a really brutal being back in that place of despair.
And apart of living my truth is acknowledging, “You know what, I have post traumatic stress and I’m always going to be vulnerable to triggers that put me back in that place. I’ve got to be ready for that and the people in my life have to be ready for that and be able to play through it when that happens.
Since the first time I recovered a few years back, this is the first time I’ve had a wicked relapse. It was like, “Wow. I thought it was gone, but it isn’t gone.”
Dave: Marilyn would you like to share something about creating an environment where the truth can be told?
Marilyn: You really have to develop yourself to be non judgmental. Without that the truth can’t be told.
Dave: I think that is an excellent point. Judgment free awareness is key
Marilyn: And, come with an open heart and love the spirit in everyone. I am very moved when I’m with people who are telling the truth and I just love to be there.
So, um, you guys are doing awesome work.
I do have something to say about this results millennium. Depending on who you’re coaching and you play for results they can get very attached to the outcome. It’s like very unsupportive. It’s the attachment to results that creates stress.
Deanna: I the attachment to positive results because results are positive or negative. So when you’re really playing for results no matter what happens then it’s a good experience because then you’re in that place of win or learn.
Molly: I think that Marilyn’s point about judgment free awareness and creating a truth environment is also true in talking about accomplishments verses results. When were talking about results you want to also have judgment free awareness for whatever comes up and be able to own the results.
Part of creating a truth-telling environment is that you don’t go into the excuse area. It can be easy when you hear something that you don’t like to make up the excuse as to why it’s not the way someone else would really like it to be. That then erodes the truth environment because then you’re excusing it away or explaining it away with this story or that story.
The same thing can happen with results. If you can come from that judgment free awareness as a player and as a coach then you don’t make wrong assumptions. Sometimes the results you got happened because what you did wasn’t provocative enough.
In accomplishment based methodology there is that very linear process. I do this and then this and then this. And, that’s so NOT how things happen in the results based world.
Deanna: In that accomplished based experience you are relying on someone to tell you, “Oh you did it good. Yay.” But, sometimes to get to the really juicy stuff you need someone to say, “Oh, I didn’t like that. It’s sucked.” Then you say, “Well wait. I want to get this message across? How do I do it better?”
Dave: Accomplishments feel good, results change your life.
Marilyn: Even the bad results. There is an unseen world at work in our lives. Unless we have an intuitive connection to that we can’t see the whole picture. The whole picture sometimes requires a different result.
How Do YOU Create an Environment Where the Truth Can Be Told?
How has this shown up in your life in both good and hard ways?
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Crazy Coaching Friday Episode #010 Timeline.
|Time At…||Coaching Topic|
|min||Contestant Introductions & Topic Intro|
|min||Book Burning: NEW Memorial Day Celebration|
|min||What is Ultimate Freedom?|
|min||May 22 Classes Commercial Break & Testimonials|
|min||What is it to Play Big?|
|min||Personal Accomplishment Vs. Playing For Results|
|min||How Do YOU Create an Environment Where the Truth Can Be Told?|
|min||Judgment Free Awareness & Truth Telling|
|min||Highlights from the show|