Is Asking For Help! A Vulnerability? A Strength? Both?
Crazy Coaching Friday Episode #011 Highlight! (Video below)
56:46 minutes into the video
Dawn: Most people who know me would say…”What are you scared about, you’re pretty courageous!” But, what I’m really scared of is being vulnerable and asking for help. The idea of asking for help feels like, “Oh My God!”
Dawn: So I have done it in the past, when something really significant has really happened. But the only person I’ve ever really asked for help has been my Mum.
So there is this dilemma between being strong and independent and being vulnerable.
Dave: I think that’s in the same ball park as the one I’m playing with. Welcome to my world. So what scares you about being vulnerable and asking for help.
Dawn: It shows a weakness. Because you’re strong and independent and in control, being vulnerable is a sign of weakness.
The image I then get when I say this is me being a little girl, scared and lost.
Dave: Yes. See sometimes when you have deep conversations you can have memory pops, even when you don’t ask for them.
So, if you put yourself into that place as a little girl, can you think of what decision you made about life?
Dawn: I have to look after myself. I have to take care of myself. You can’t rely on anyone else.
Dave: Yeah. Exactly. The way to create freedom in this situation is to see the balance in that decision and to see how that decision has served you.
So, that pattern of being strong and not relying upon anyone else has served you in your life. And, it is also important to see where that decision is limiting you. When you can see both, then you’re free to choose which one will serve you best in any given moment.
We don’t want to make any thought process wrong. All belief’s serve a purpose, it is just a matter of what purpose and when.
How has the decision that “I can’t rely upon anyone else? I have to take care of myself.” Served you in your life? How has that made you the person you are today?
Dawn: I wouldn’t be here doing what I’m doing. In all honesty. That drive and belief has allowed me to make my own choices around what I do.
It allowed me to go off and do my own thing.
Dave: It sounds like it’s something you really love about yourself.
Dawn: Yes. I really see it as a strength. And, as with all strengths it can get in the way.
Dave: Yes. So how is it also limiting your possibilities?
Dawn: It stops me asking for help. If I think about where I am right now in terms of my business. It stops me going out and asking, “Look this is what I’m struggling with, have you got any thoughts or ideas?”
And I think in some of my relationships in the past I haven’t asked for help when I needed it. I’ve just soldiered on because I can do that really well.
Dave: This is really good. You know, we are talking about revealing to our clients or ourselves and pattern language is a really powerful thing to reveil. I think that ‘soldiering on’ is a powerful pattern.
You know it’s also an interesting thing because as humans we find it very hard to be vulnerable and ask for help. But, we love it when someone else asks us for help!
It feels so good to help.
If you think about that as a possibility, that asking for help can spread a good feeling around the word, what would a new pattern language that you could think of?
Dawn: Just playing comes to mind because I love playing.
Dave: I love that.
So how can we get some other people involved in your play?
Dawn: For me, it’s about recognizing when I need to do that. …
I haven’t got the language quite, Dave.
Dave: That’s okay. I’ll just give you a placeholder. Some language that that popped to my mind is what I learned from one of my mentors, Marshall Thurber and he would awalys say, “Together we are better.”
Dawn: Oh, I like that.
Dave: If you resonate with that one, you may run with it. Or, you may think of one of your own.
So, what you want to do when you’re out with these folks you want to keep this pattern in mind, “together we are better.” Picture that. Meditate on it. And, in your environment put up pictures of doing things with others. That will also reinforce that pattern of together we are better and the energy will get into the conversation.
However, if you go with the “soldering on” energy then your friends will feel it as a burden.
Does that make sense?
Dawn: Yes. That makes a lot of sense.
Does it make sense to YOU?
What is your relationship with asking for help?
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Crazy Coaching Friday Episode #010 Timeline.
|Time At…||Coaching Topic|
|min||Contestant Introductions & Topic Intro|
|min||Book Burning: Did Dave Really Do It?|
|min||Dawn Reveals a Big Secret|
|min||Jill unveals her tether|
|min||Pam and the “Family” tether!|
|min||Dawn Gets Coached on ‘Asking For Help!’|
|min||Jill Cuts the Virtual Cord!|
|min||Highlights from the show|